Christmas is Coming! Unwrapping 3 Expectations and the Emotions Around Them
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
“Wonderful Christmas time . . . ”
“Joy to the world . . . ”
“I’ll be home for Christmas . . . ”
“We wish you a merry Christmas . . . ”
If I had an American radio station to listen to here in the Sahel, during the month of December, these are the lyrics that would be floating in the air. Somehow, even without a broadcast, these words are still ringing in my ears.
They are in my ears and in my mind, but not in my heart…at least, not all the time.
It’s the beautiful holiday season, even though there’s no snow on the ground and the temperature is mild and in the 80s.
Yes, I feel some joy, some excitement, and some happiness. But, coupled with those positive emotions are an array of not-so-good emotions.
Is that anger that I feel rising up? Sadness, loneliness, frustration . . . ?
What’s wrong with me?
Aren’t we all supposed to be merry at this time of year?
Where Do We Get This Belief?
“As children, we grow up believing that Christmas is a magical season filled with flying reindeer, talking snowmen, and elves who live at the North Pole making toys all year round . . . We long to believe that Christmas can somehow bring us a deeper sense of joy and peace and hope. We yearn for at least some of the magic of the season to be real.”
—The Four Emotions of Christmas by Bob Lepine
We have expectations, even as grown-ups, about Christmas. No, we may not be hoping for that special toy fire truck or our favorite Barbie in a wedding dress, but we do have a lot of holiday wishes on our list.
As adults, we have a number of expectations when we think about the Christmas season. When these expectations aren’t met, we can experience a big dose of disappointment.
Expectation of Happiness—We hope that the Christmas parties, blinking lights, beautifully wrapped presents, singing carols, and frosted sugar cookies will lift our moods and fill our hearts with joy. We all believe that it’s “tis the season to be jolly!” When we don’t feel jolly, we question what’s wrong with us.
Expectation of Relational Harmony—We hope that everyone will get along with everyone else. We imagine that any past conflict, differences, bitterness, or unforgiveness will be wiped away with the Christmas joy that fills the air. However, it seems that the stress of the Christmas season often stirs up relational tension more than anything. Or, perhaps the holidays trigger some painful memory wrapped around some trauma we have experienced, either as a child or as an adult.
Expectation of Perfection—We want the decorations and the lights to be hung perfectly. We want the food to be more delicious than last year. We want the atmosphere to be just right. We even want snow to fall on December 24 for a picturesque “White Christmas.” It just doesn’t feel like Christmas when we are sweating buckets and wearing plastic sandals. My eyes, ears, nose—all my senses—are screaming, “It’s not Christmas!” When the Christmas tree sags and we burn the sugar cookies, we are disillusioned.
With all these hopes, wishes, and expectations, no wonder we set ourselves up for disappointment—even before the season begins!
Can You Remember?
Stop for a moment and reflect.
If we all scan our lives and think back to our many Christmas celebrations, we can all probably recall a wonderful, joyful experience. However, we can also probably recall our worst Christmas ever. It’s even possible, that because of our tendency towards the negativity bias, that the most horrible Christmas memory is easier for us to remember.
Christmas memories seem to really stick in our minds.
“Christmas joys are deeper than other joys. So are Christmas sorrows. And Christmas stresses.”
I don’t know about you, but I can certainly remember some not-so-merry Christmases in my house.
The Emotion Pendulum
How is it possible to feel such extremely diverse emotions at the same time during this season?
I feel happy that some of my adult kids are coming home to celebrate together as a family.
I feel frustrated that I can’t find all the ingredients in Chad that I need to make my grandmother’s famous creamed corn casserole.
I feel fearful when I see how much we are spending on gifts—money that we don’t have to spare.
I feel excited about getting out our Christmas decorations and putting up the tree and lights.
I feel angry that no one in my host country seems to be celebrating Christmas and the true meaning of this season.
I feel sad that I can’t attend my holiday family reunion on the other side of the Atlantic.
I feel stressed as I try to manage my kids’ Christmas parties and plays at school, prepare a traditional meal and roast a turkey for ten people, wrap presents, and bake cut-out Christmas cookies all in a 48-hour period.
I feel guilty that my mother is by herself on the other side of the world this holiday season, longing for me to be with her.
I feel overwhelmed by all that I need to do and the demands of everyone around me.
I feel hopeful as I invite local friends over for a Christmas party and share joy and love with them.
I feel lonely when I look at the families around me, enjoying time together, when mine lives on the other side of the globe.
I feel nostalgic as I unwrap my family’s Christmas ornaments that I’ve collected and hauled around the world in suitcases since I was a little girl.
I feel joyful as I sing carols and hymns at the Christmas Eve service at church.
I feel tired from all the hustling and bustling . . . and the lack of sleep.
I feel homesick as I long to be with all of my friends and family back in my home country and celebrate the season “my way.”
Photo by Sunder Muthukumaran on Unsplash
How is it possible to fluctuate back and forth between all these different feelings?
What about you? What emotions are you feeling as you move into this holiday season?
