When Crisis Strikes, How Do I Help? Simple Tools to Equip Your Response
Photo by camilo jimenez on Unsplash
“Mom, I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m not hurt.”
I knew it was serious. It was midnight on a Saturday night. Thankfully, I had been awake, so my son’s phone call didn’t jolt me out of bed.
“I just had a really bad accident, and I don’t know how I’m alive. I’m okay, though, I’m okay.”
“The most important thing is that you’re okay,” I said calmly, trying to keep my tone soft and my pace slow.
I could hear someone talking to my son in the background.
“Are you still feeling okay? Do you have any medical history?”
“I’m okay, and no medical history.”
“Who’s that talking to you?” I asked my son, again trying to control the fear and anxiety in this mother’s heart. I was shaking, but I needed to remain calm.
“A lady who saw the accident stopped. She’s a paramedic.”
“Okay, that’s good that someone is there with you to help you.”
“Mom, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.”
“You aren’t alone. I’m here with you. The paramedic is there with you. We’re going to help you each step of the way.”
“What do I need to do?”
“Let’s take it one step at a time. Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not hurt?”
“No, I don’t have a scratch on me. The airbags all inflated,” he said, showing me the car on the video call.
I gasped inside, but again, remained calm and collected.
“That’s good, thank God!”
“Are you safe to stay in the vehicle?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, if you have water in the car, take a few sips, take some deep breaths in and out, and we will wait together for the police and ambulance to arrive.”
Ready to Respond?
Just two days before my son’s accident, I had not been not well-equipped for that telephone call. My natural and go-to reaction would have probably been to panic, screech, talk loudly and quickly, and give direct orders to my child.
Instead, that night, for that critical moment, I had tools in my toolbox from an online training that I had done only 48 hours before that conversation. What I needed right at that moment was fresh in my mind and easily accessible, right on the tip of my tongue. Being prepared—having the basic knowledge of trauma and a little practice during the training—allowed me to easily bypass my normal tendencies and respond in a way that was healthier and more helpful for my son in that moment of crisis.
My child had just experienced a traumatic, near-death car accident. He was shaken up, in shock, and so was I.
The online training I had done, “Essential Crisis Care Basic Training,” by Crisis Care International, was in preparation for going to Morocco to work with relief workers following the earthquake of September 8, 2023. Although the focus was on responding to the trauma and the crisis care needed in a natural disaster, the lead trainer, Stacey Sutherland—MA, CIC-CSp, BCC—explained that the knowledge, skills, and information we were acquiring could easily be transferred and used in any type of crisis that we might walk into.
When I heard those words in that training, the last thing that occurred to me was that my son would make that call two days later.
But when he did, I was ready. I was ready to respond.
Access the Person First
The most common trauma responses are “fight, flight, or freeze.” When someone experiences a very terrible or traumatic event, their brain immediately reacts in ways to help them survive. They aren’t necessarily thinking clearly. A survival instinct takes over.
It’s important to first assess and evaluate the person. Are they in “fight or flight” mode, in a HYPER-activated state, or are they in “freeze” mode, a HYPO-activated state? Are they all hyped up, anxious, and fearful, or are they quite lethargic and in an overly calm, unresponsive, and sleepy state?
How Do We Help People Calm Down?
If a person is in fight or flight mode, they are like an overheated engine. In danger, the sympathetic nervous system is activated. This could involve some physical reactions such as a racing heart, sweaty palms, panic, etc. We need to help people in this state slow things down, cool down, and ground with the following techniques.
Keep your voice calm and your pace slow. Try to regulate yourself first with some deep breathing. If you speak calmly and slowly, it will help the other person to relax and regulate as well.
Help the person ground and stabilize. Help the person become aware of their present surroundings by using some awareness and sensory exercises. This helps to slow down the chemical response in the person’s body and brain.
Go for a walk. Movement helps regulate the endocrine system and the nervous system.
Do deep breathing with the person. Actually talk them through the exercise of breathing in and breathing out. Often, in a moment of shock and panic, we hold our breath and forget to breathe regularly.
Have the person drink water.
“Do you know why handing out water is the first thing we do when we arrive on the scene of a major accident or natural disaster?” Sutherland asked us during the online training.
Ideas that came to my mind were, “People might be thirsty. You’re concerned that people might not have access to clean water. People might forget to drink and become dehydrated.”
Those are all true, but Sutherland also pointed out that, in the moment of trauma, the surge of adrenaline, cortisol, and other chemicals in the body is extremely intense. This chemical response helps prepare the body for survival. It sends us into the necessary “Fight, Flight, or Freeze” response in the face of danger. However, high levels of adrenaline and cortisol aren’t great for us. Water helps to flush them out so our body can regulate more quickly.
How Do We Help People Wake Up?
Another common response is “freeze.” This often looks like the person is unable to verbally or physically respond. Their thinking and speaking may be slow or muddled. Some people even collapse or faint. If a person is in freeze mode, he is hypo-activated. This is the opposite of the fight or flight mode, in which a person is hyper-activated. As a result, we need to do different things in order to help them in a moment of crisis.
When experiencing this freeze-like response, a person is a bit numb and shut down. They are not very reactive. They are like a cold engine that needs to be warmed up.
Help them by talking to them and asking them a few simple questions, so that they can hear your voice and engage with you verbally. This will help to “wake them up.”
Calmly tell them to look around, lift their head slightly (if they are not injured), and blink their eyes open and closed.
Get them a blanket to cover up or give them a warm drink.
If appropriate, and with permission, hold the person’s hand, touch their shoulder, or hug them.
Give the person a drink of water and ask them to notice how it feels in their mouth as they swish it around. When they are ready, you can go with them on a slow walk.
If a person faints, respond to this as a medical event. This is a type of shock.
These are all sensory and grounding exercises that can help to stabilize and regulate a person, in this case, helping them to wake up out of a state of numbness.
“Being prepared allowed me to easily bypass my normal tendencies and respond in a way that was healthier and more helpful for my son in that moment of crisis. ”
General Tools for Crisis Care
Other tools for your toolbox gathered during the Essential Crisis Care Basic Training included:
Safety—Assessing one’s own safety first, as a responder, and then assessing the safety of those we are trying to help. This includes building bridges of trust with the person and the importance of identification. This simply entails introducing ourselves, as responders, by telling the person our name and what our role is. Look for ways to help keep the person safe physically, emotionally, and mentally. We may have to protect them from media or intrusive people in a time of vulnerability. Find out what they need to feel safe.
Communication—Communicating well with those we are helping by keeping them informed, sharing updates, reflecting back what we hear them say, clarifying their needs, and asking them good questions.
Stabilization—Learning good exercises, like 5-4-3-2-1, to help others to tune into the here and now. This will help to regulate them in the moment of shock and trauma.
Assessment—Helping to assess the person in crisis, the specifics of their situation, and their immediate needs. Also assessing our own well-being. How are we dealing with the stress of being a helper? Are we the best person to be engaged, or do we need assistance?
Choice and Empowerment—Giving the person some control of choices—even in the little things—can lead to healing. For example: Would you like a cup of tea or a cup of coffee? Would you like to take a little walk or sit down on that bench?
Listening—Growing in my skills as a listener, which allows people to talk, process, debrief, and tell their story.
Linking to Resources—Being prepared to refer them to a higher level of care or different resources to meet their needs.
Equipped for Crisis
Because I was better equipped for a crisis, I was able to calmly help my son to calm down, stabilize, and regulate while in a state of shock after his accident.
In the end, Sutherland reminded us that, in all we do, our calm and settled presence with the person in trauma is essential. As a mom, I felt helpless, but being present with my son on the phone during that critical time was the most important thing I could do!
We highly recommend the two-hour online training that Stacey Sutherland offers regularly, “Essential Crisis Care Basic Training.”
Stacey and her colleague, Dr. Phil Monroe, just published a book, Essential Crisis Care: Training Guide, that will help better equip you and get you ready to respond to the next crisis that heads your way.