Mini Debriefs are my Favorites
Photo by Resume Genius on Unsplash
It was probably 2022 and I had just attended my first in-person conference in a few years. In one way, it was great. The setting near Garden of the Gods in Colorado was so beautiful. I enjoyed hiking the hills and drinking in the scenery. Plus, it was on one of my favorite topics, coaching.
However, I left feeling very unsettled. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was bothering me.
Noticing the Unresolved
Whenever I get that unsettled feeling, I’ve learned to tune in and remember that I want a debrief. Debriefing is a guided conversation with a caring listener. It’s an opportunity to reflect, to connect to your story, to explore themes, and to integrate the events of the past into an understanding of the present. For me, it often instills hope for the future.
Most people use debriefs after a two- to three-year time period, when they are making a transition. I’ve done that, and it is helpful. But my favorite debriefs have always been over the “little” things that feel unfinished, unsettled, or bothersome in some way:
that conversation with my mother-in-law
the uneasy feeling I have when I leave certain meetings
my thoughts and reactions to aging
my relationship with my adult daughter
my recent diagnosis
what that latest book or movie stirred in me that feels unsettling
my experience at a new church and wondering if it was a good fit
a work project or trip that I would normally have enjoyed but didn’t
So here I was in a hotel room in Denver awaiting my flight the next day, and this unsettled feeling about the Colorado conference was really bugging me. What’s going on? Why do I feel this way? Noticing that thought brought a new awareness: Oh, I should get a debrief. I wonder if anyone is available before I board my flight tomorrow? So I reached out to See Beyond Certified debriefers, and Dan was available that evening.
Knowing When to Reach Out
Usually, I have a debrief for something that feels unsettled, incongruous, or frustrating. But as I’ve done debriefs regularly, I’ve seen how they help me really garner learning and meaning, so I’ve even used them even for things that were especially meaningful or exciting that I don’t want to forget.
After the 2023 earthquake in Marrakesh, Morocco, I debriefed about the week I spent gearing up to have an onsite debriefing center in that city. It was an incredibly stretching week, but I learned so much, and it was amazing to see it all come together: the finances, the staff, and even the news getting out to people who needed it. I was basically setting up an onsite counseling-type center, funding it, and advertising it, all in a span of about ten days. I debriefed it because I never wanted to forget that experience nor what I learned.
But back to my unsettled story.
As Dan debriefed me and I processed my experience at the conference, I shared the various components that stood out to me.
And the fog began to lift.
The threads began to untangle.
More and more clearly, I could see what had happened. It was a coaching conference, and I was not impressed with their manner of conducting it. For me, it didn’t follow a coaching-type mindset at all. It was academic, top down, and didn’t do much to allow participants to think for themselves—a cornerstone of coaching. It doesn’t help that I’m a trainer myself and am a bit of a snob when it comes to how training is done.
The fog lifted some more.
I was full of pride. The humility I promote as so important in my work and training was nowhere to be found.
Making Sense of Your Story
New awareness about my own thinking is the fruit of a debriefing—at least for me. Sometimes it comes while I’m processing with my debriefer, sometimes well after. Debriefing helps me make sense of my own story, and while it’s not designed to figure out the future, I find the insights I gain often do make a difference in how I proceed.
I knew how to handle pride in my life. (For me, that’s confessing it and being grateful for the forgiveness God offers me.) So I did that, right there with my debriefer. I left that meeting no longer with that unsettled feeling, but rather a fresh feeling of having seen an area that needed attention and caring for that area in my life. Then I felt ready to move forward.
All that in about forty-five minutes! I still see value in longer debriefs that cover big periods of time, and personally, I love having someone I can talk with through these “little” unsettling things over time. I’ve developed a relationship with a couple of debriefers who I can contact at any time and say, “Hey, do you have any time in the next day or two for a short debrief? I could use your support as I process something.”
That’s so significant for me.
Do you resonate with this? What value might it give you to have someone you can reach out to for the “little” things when you feel bothered, disquieted, troubled, disturbed, shaken, or when something just feels unresolved?
Our See Beyond debriefers would find it a privilege to serve you in this way and be your “go-to” debriefer for the big or little things in your life. Reach out today.
