10 Tips to Build Resilience and Stay Strong
Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash
“Mom, can you test me on my vocab words?”
My son had to learn 120 words for his vocabulary final exam the next day—six units of words and definitions. He also had to know the spelling, the part of speech, and which syllable carried the stress on each word.
Most of the words I was familiar with, but there were a few ones that I learned along with him. Words like “slake” and “bungle.”
I love words, so English was my preferred class to help him with his test prep.
We whizzed through all the words one by one. I read the definition, and then my son gave me the corresponding vocabulary word.
I stopped suddenly on one of them.
“Having the strength to keep going, keep pushing, staying strong.”
“Stamina.”
“That’s right, stamina.”
I stared at the definition long and hard.
“Strength . . . keep going . . . keep pushing . . . staying strong.”
The words “keep” and “staying” really popped off the page.
I was about ready to throw in the towel.
Where did that expression come from anyways—“throw in the towel”?
Curious, I looked it up—the origin of the expression “throw in the towel” comes from boxing.
“When a boxer is suffering a beating and his corner wants to stop the fight, they literally throw in the towel to indicate their conceding of the fight.”
That’s exactly how I felt.
Life had been an exhausting boxing match, and I did not have the strength to carry on. I didn’t want to “keep on” anything. I didn’t want to “stay” anywhere. I wanted to pack my bags and leave.
Pack my bags and leave, what a joke! That’s all I did. That’s all me and my family had been doing for the past two, almost three decades. Packing . . . leaving . . . arriving . . . staying . . . packing . . . leaving . . .
Airplane after airplane, country after country, city after city, school after school, house after house, neighborhood after neighborhood, job after job, friends after friends . . .
And, not just us, but everyone around us . . . the entire expat community surrounding us did the same thing.
I was suddenly growing tired. Weary.
Perhaps it was my age—the questions that naturally surface in that mid-age season of life. Perhaps it was the stress—stress from all the coming and going, the packing and traveling. Perhaps it was the sadness—tired of all the ended friendships, the goodbyes, the losses. Perhaps it was the pull of family—kids on one side of the world, parents on the other side. Perhaps it was hardship—living in a foreign land, learning new languages, adapting to different cultures, living with diverse peoples—that had finally taken a toll on me. Perhaps it was simply life—life that had knocked me down way too many times.
I no longer had the strength to “keep going, keep pushing, stay strong.”
I was facing some major setbacks in my work and in my family. Was it okay to just call it quits, pack my bags one last time, and leave?
What is Resilience?
Another definition, a synonym of stamina, wasn’t in my son’s vocabulary book . . .
Resilience.
“Resilience means being able to adapt to life’s misfortunes and setbacks,” according to Mayo Clinic.
Adapting? I was tired of adapting.
Grit.
“Firmness of mind or spirit: unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger.”
I didn’t have any more grit left in me. The only grit I had remained on my teeth from the stress of life.
Call it what you may—stamina, grit, resilience–my tank was empty, and I didn’t know how to fill it again. Could I muster up enough strength to “keep going, keep pushing, stay strong”? Was it worth it?
How to Improve Your Resilience?
Mayo Clinic believes you can build skills to endure hardship, and they offer some tips to improve your resilience.
1. Get connected. Find ways to build strong and healthy relationships with family and friends. Look for those who can give you much-needed support and guidance in good and difficult times. Connect with local communities by volunteering or joining a faith group.
2. Make every day have meaning. Do something every day that gives you a feeling of success and purpose. In order to look toward the future with hope and meaning, set clear, bite-sized goals and take small steps to move towards them.
3. Learn from the past. Think about your past life and how you have coped with difficult times. What has helped you get through those tough times? Journal about past events and look for patterns to help guide you into your future, or go through a Reflection Guide.
4. Stay hopeful. Even though you can’t change your past, you can always look forward to the future. Remain open to change. Find glimmers of hope by writing down a few things you are grateful for each day—sunshine, a child’s smile, your favorite beverage, a roof over your head . . .
5. Take care of yourself. Take care of your own feelings and needs. Do activities and hobbies that you enjoy. Try to include physical activity in your daily schedule. Eat a healthy diet and get plenty of sleep. Practice stress management. Look for new ways to relax, like mindfulness, yoga, or prayer.
6. Take action. Don’t ignore your problems. Ask yourself what you need to do, make a plan, and move forward. It takes time to recover from a major setback or loss. Remember your life can improve if you work at it.
The International Association of Exhibitions and Events adds more suggestions:
7. Spend time with resilient people. Look for strong people who have the qualities and characteristics you admire and who will be an encouragement to you. If you don’t have many in-person options in your local community, consider finding some individuals or groups to meet with online.
8. Live a life that revolves around your interests. It’s hard to have a lot of grit and resilience if you aren’t happy with your job. It’s much easier to have perseverance while doing something you love. If you can’t change jobs, find things to do each day that bring you joy and purpose. Explore some past hobbies that you can enjoy.
9. Give yourself mental breaks. Take regular breaks to recharge your batteries. Spend time in nature, read a book, have coffee with a friend, take a nap, laugh out loud, take a walk. . .
10. Seek professional help. Building resilience takes time and practice. If you don’t know where to begin or feel like you aren’t making progress, talk with a mental health professional or life coach. With guidance, you can improve your resiliency and mental well-being.
Still Holding On
I haven’t let go yet. I haven’t given up. I haven’t called it quits. I haven’t thrown in the towel. I’m still holding on, so that gives me hope that it’s not too late.
There are times and circumstances when it’s time to let go or move on. I’m not there yet. I’ll try some of these tips, meet with a life coach, and evaluate where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going.
Today, I feel a mustard seed of hope rising up inside of me. It’s just enough to help me take the next step, do the next thing, and “keep going, keep pushing, and stay strong” today. That’s enough. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow.