How Small Is "Small Stuff"? The Benefits of Letting Out the Pressure

What do you think of when you hear the word “debriefing”? Maybe you think of the BIG STUFF. When you hear that word, “debriefing,” you probably think of talking with someone about your life—maybe discussing a long period of time, maybe taking inventory of a year or more that’s been challenging. You may think of processing a difficult, perhaps even traumatic experience, something hard like an accident, a major life transition, or a family crisis.

But, what if debriefing didn’t have to only be about the “big stuff”?

What if we didn’t have to wait until an unexpected and unwelcome change hit our home? What if we didn’t have to wait until life flipped upside down to reach out for help? What if we didn’t have to wait until we had accumulated so many hard stories over the course of several years that we couldn’t remember them all and didn’t know where to begin telling them?

What if we could also take the time to talk about the “small stuff,” the “everyday stuff,” before it became so big, so hard, so complicated . . . so overwhelming?

We are here to tell you that you don’t have to wait.

What is the Value of Debriefing the Small Stuff?

Recently, we interviewed some training participants. During their training sessions, they had multiple opportunities to debrief the “small things” in life. 

Here is what they had to say:

1. How would you describe the value of doing a small debriefing? What did this experience do for you?

—In my opinion, regular, short debriefings are very beneficial! I'm a proponent of regular, small incident debriefings, as even those can bring out more than we think! 

—It really showed me how one can get to the crux of an issue by just using debriefing techniques and not digging for answers with invasive questions. It was also less traumatic for the “debriefee” (the person being debriefed).

—Through being debriefed, I've come to appreciate that events, feelings, thoughts, unformed and floating around in our minds, but haven't yet been fully solidified, are really difficult to grasp fully on our own. With another person present actively listening, mirroring back my own words, I can better take hold of what's going on inside of me that I might have otherwise locked away. It's often true that the things we hold on to and hide away inside cannot be released until we have revisited them once again. Debriefing is a safe time to take them out and then let go of what needs to be let go of and claim meaning from what needs to be defined.

2. How often is it helpful to do small debriefings, perhaps monthly or quarterly?

—Depending on one's stress level or situation, I think monthly or bimonthly are valuable, but definitely quarterly!!

—It depends on the debriefee, what they would like, but I think it will help debriefees to face and resolve issues that might not have been resolved. This is for a healthier well-being. It will help with keeping short accounts.

—I do find that having a monthly conversation with a person who wants to ask me questions like: “Where have you been?” and “Where are you going?” is a valuable part of my life. It helps me get a handle on what is going on internally as well as what events around me might be indicating.

3. What could be the benefit of doing regular small debriefings, rather than waiting for the need of a big debriefing?

—Regular debriefings increase one’s mental, spiritual, and physical health. I'm currently in a very stressful situation for a 6-month period in a country I've lived in, but no longer work in. I'm doing bimonthly debriefings with a coach. It's so life-giving!

—It seems like small debriefings make room for the person being debriefed to listen as they go along. Small debriefings seem to create a sense of journey and process. Big debriefings seem to create a sense that the problem or situation will now "be solved" or "resolved." But it usually doesn't work like that. After a debriefing, a lot of situations still exist and feelings do as well. I've felt the pressure to "be done with my issue" after a big debriefing. Usually after small debriefings, I felt more room to breathe and keep going step by step. This helps me feel freedom to keep journeying and be okay with the gradual way that life unfolds without a lot of pressure to "be well." 

4. How would you explain to someone (a family member, colleague, etc.) the value and importance of doing a "small debriefing"?

—I've told colleagues or suggested that they might be encouraged by doing a mini debriefing and that I'd be available at no cost if they like, that I also know other debriefers. Most people respond with, “Thanks, I'll think about it.” I have tried to explain what a debriefing is and the benefit it would be.

—Small debriefings will help with processing various situations that cannot be resolved right on the spot, and we need time to reflect and process. It's great for mental well-being and lowering stress levels.

—The load of cross-cultural workers is heavy—often unnecessarily heavy.  Small debriefings can help us be aware of what we are carrying that is unnecessary. Small debriefings can give space to take what is locked inside, give it a look, and then let it go. Small debriefings also give us the ability to understand ourselves and situations in new ways and hear how to move forward. Getting stuck is a very common pattern among cross-cultural workers, and the longer we are stuck, the harder it is to dig ourselves out. Small debriefings help us get unstuck before the ruts get too deep, before too many people are hurt, and too many decisions and choices are made that are hard to undo.

Perhaps that’s why people typically wait until a major life crisis before calling upon someone to do a debriefing. It’s out of desperation that they look for help.

What is a Debriefing?

Perhaps a lack of understanding and experience is a part of the issue. 

Perhaps most people don’t fully understand what a debriefing is—its purpose, its format, its cost, etc. If those are your thoughts, we answer a lot of these questions in the following article: “What in the World is ‘Debriefing’?”

In another article, we also explore the benefit of regular debriefings and check-ins through a service called Personalized Care. These check-ins are like “small incident” debriefings that, if done regularly (monthly, bimonthly, quarterly), can lead to more stable mental, emotional, and spiritual health. 

It’s like a monthly “release” of the small stuff so that it never has to become BIG. It’s like letting out the air of a full and tight balloon called “life”— little by little—so that it never reaches the point of exploding.

“Do Better and Stay Longer With Personalized Care and Services”

Benefits of Telling Your Story 

This sense of release truly does happen when you tell your story. 

There are huge benefits to sitting down with someone and telling your stories—the big ones and the small ones. Read about them here.

Could You Benefit From Talking About the Small Stuff? 

What about you? Are you in a high-stress situation in which you could benefit from some regular “talk therapy”? That’s what debriefing really is. It’s talking, processing, telling your story.

Perhaps you want someone to listen, someone to hear your story. Are you needing someone to give you “The Gift of Listening”?

If so, reach out. We are ready to listen.

Or perhaps you are on the other side. Perhaps you have a friend, a family member, or a colleague who could benefit from talking to someone and telling their story.

If so, invite them! Just like the training participant offered her friends the “Gift of Listening,” you can do the same.

Here are some practical ways to encourage people to sit down and talk about the “small stuff”: “How to Invite Someone to Tell Their Story” 

If you have never done a “small debriefing” before, we want to invite you to experience the power of telling your story in our free workshop called “The Story Circle” or reach out to a See Beyond debriefer.

That’s an invitation. Let’s talk about the small stuff!