10 Ways to Fall in Love With Your Host Country
Written by Marci Renée
Moroccan Sahara Photo by Savvas Kalimeris on Unsplash
“I love this land! I love these people! I love this culture! I want to live here forever!”
Are these the words you hear in your head, in your house? Is this what you say to your spouse, your friends, your teammates, and your family on the other side of the world? Do you hear these words expressed by your kids when they talk about the foreign country where they live?
During the past twenty years, our family has lived in four different countries. These were the words that we always longed to hear in our family and in our home.
Thankfully, on a regular basis, that’s what we heard out of our mouths and out of our children’s mouths. However, that wasn’t always the case with other expats we knew—at school, at work, and in the community.
Rather, what we often heard were complaints, complaints, complaints.
What Made the Difference?
So, what was the difference between our family and theirs? What made us love our host country while others struggled?
I’ve been pondering this question recently, trying to figure out what was going on in our home, in our conversations, and in our life that made a difference.
What made us fall in love with our host country?
Here’s what I discovered . . .
Chefchaouen Photo by Nicolas Cool on Unsplash
1. We knew where we were going. My husband and I had taken a trip together to Morocco several years before we decided to move our family there. We fell in love with that land as soon as we stepped foot on its soil. It wasn’t hard. The country is beautiful. The people are welcoming and hospitable. The food is absolutely amazing! What is there not to like? We began to picture our family living there. It was fun to scout out cities and places that we would like to live. We also tried to imagine what living in that country would be like.
2. We were prepared. After deciding to move to Morocco, we prepared ourselves and our children as much as we could while still living in our home country. We read books, looked at pictures, studied the culture. I can remember pouring through “Culture Shock—Morocco” in an attempt to better brace my family for the major cultural changes ahead. We tried to understand the culture shock cycle and the transition cycle. This helped us to not be caught off guard when all the culture differences slammed us in the face. Yes, the culture shock (link to article) and differences still slammed us in the face, but we were better prepared for it. We could step back and recognize what was happening. It helped us to “normalize” our experience, what we were going through, and how we were feeling.
3. We experienced the beauty of the country and culture. Every chance we had, we would travel as a family. If the kids had a school break, or even time on weekends, off we would go! We traveled north, we traveled south, we traveled east, and we traveled west. Our family ventured out into the desert dunes on camelbacks and slept under the stars in a bivouac. We went sledding for the day on the snow-capped mountain peaks. We enjoyed picnics on the beach next to our house. We enjoyed the diversity of the country—its regional foods, cultures, and languages.
4. We were cultural learners. We asked questions and tried to understand the people and the culture. The more we were aware of their way of life, thinking, and beliefs, the more we could understand and appreciate them. According to The Cultural Story-Weaver, “It’s so much more enjoyable to be a ‘Cultural Learner’ rather than a ‘Cultural Critic’!
5. We enjoyed the food! When we were invited for tea and meals with our friends, we readily accepted. We tried to take our kids with us as often as possible so they could experience all the cultural goodies too. We knew there would be sweet mint tea, m’simmons, b’rir, tagine, couscous, s’fa. I spent as much time in the kitchen with my Moroccan friends as I could—watching, learning, and trying to knead dough and cut vegetables. Our house helper was an amazing cook, so she prepared Moroccan meals for us several times a week. We fell in love with the country through our stomachs!
6. We learned the language well. Our first two years were spent in intensive Arabic language study. We also encouraged our children to try to speak the language during our visits with friends, and they were learning the local language at school as well. It was hard work for all of us, but so worth it. Being able to speak the heart language of the people helped us to integrate well into the community and build relationships. We didn’t feel isolated from the culture and people. Rather, we felt connected.
7. We spent more time with locals than with expats. Although we loved spending time as a family with our expat friends, the majority of our time was spent with locals. We knew that staying in the “expat bubble” was not going to help us fall in love with the country, people, language, and culture. Oftentimes, our expat friends were critical of the culture, and that kind of attitude can be contagious! We knew the only way to fall in love with the North African people was to spend time with them.
8. We verbally expressed how much we loved the country. We told everyone! Even if we didn’t feel it sometimes, because we were frustrated with our progress in learning Arabic, or if our house helper got bleach on our couch, or if someone cut us off on the freeway and yelled at us, or if we got pulled over by the cops for doing absolutely nothing . . . we still told our spouse, our kids, our family across the ocean, other expats, and locals how much we loved Morocco! Just saying it somehow changed our perspective and our attitude. It’s as if we had to convince ourselves sometimes. It was all a part of the power of talking to ourselves and hearing ourselves. By telling others the fun and celebratory stories, the positive highlights seemed to build “good” neural pathways and cement those awesome experiences in our minds and hearts.
9. We shared our difficult story with others. We didn’t keep things bottled up inside. When needed, we took the cap off the bottle inside of us and let it gush out with safe and trusted family members, friends, and colleagues. When we were feeling frustrated with the local people, the culture, or our language learning, we talked about it. We also encouraged our kids to tell their stories and process their new life and experiences. The key was finding the right people to share our story with—people who wouldn’t necessarily “buy-in” to the difficult parts of or journey and join our pity party. Rather, we needed to surround ourselves with friends who would encourage us to keep going and push through even when the going got tough.
10. We stayed positive! We tried to see the cup 1/2 full instead of 1/2 empty. We recognized the cultural differences, but we made choices to see the beauty in the differences. We would sometimes catch ourselves being cultural critics or negatively comparing our host country and culture to our own. Other times, we were tempted to say, “That’s not how they do it at home! That’s not right!” At times like this, it’s important to remember what The Cultural Story-Weaver said, “It’s not better, it’s not worse, it’s not good, it’s not bad, it’s just different!” We would often remind ourselves of that, and we would tell each other that. It helped us to keep a healthy, optimistic perspective.
Moroccan Fields Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash
Give It a Try!
What words do you often hear yourself say? Do your spouse and children often say . . . “I love this land! I love these people! I love this culture! I want to live here forever!”
If you long to hear these words, give these suggestions a try. It may make a difference in the conversations in your head, in your family, in your community.
It’s contagious. If you start loving your host country, those around you may fall in love too!
Guest author, Marci Renée, along with her French husband and four boys, is a global nomad who has traveled to more than 30 countries and has lived in the United States, France, Morocco, and Spain. She loves to travel, speak foreign languages, experience different cultures, eat ethnic foods, meet people from faraway lands, and of course, write and tell stories. She is a published author of children's picture books, memoirs, short stories, and poetry.
You can find Marci and her books on her website.
"The Cultural Story-Weaver," at www.culturalstoryweaver.com