I was with my co-trainer who had recently arrived in Morocco, where we were getting ready to do a workshop on coaching and communication together. He was trying to get the SIM card for his phone working and had been in line waiting while I did some shopping in a nearby store. When I got back to the phone store, this is how our conversation went:

Did you get it fixed?

No, not yet.

Were they unable to unlock the old SIM card?

No . . . (with little more explanation)

Did they look it up to see if it had been deactivated?

No . . . (shared a bit more)

I asked a few more yes/no type questions and then finally asked . . .

Are you going to have to buy a new SIM card?

I don’t know, I haven’t talked to the lady yet.

Dumbstruck, all I could say was, “I should really attend a communication workshop and learn how to ask open questions, like, ‘How’s it going with your phone?’”

A new family invited us to have dinner at their home recently. Because we didn’t know each other well, they asked us questions about our life in North Africa.

Their genuine questions invited us to share our story.

Afterwards, we mentioned to them that it had been a long time since we had told our story to someone. It felt good!

We all have stories to tell—fun and not-so-fun stories from our daily lives, encouraging testimonies of changed lives, tough stories of loss and grief that have built up over the course of years, and sometimes, traumatic stories and crisis experiences that we have been forced to walk through.

Whatever story we carry, there are multiple benefits of telling it to others.

We all sat in a circle, silent. No one from our team wanted to start. No one wanted to go first. No one wanted to be the first to tell their story.

The assignment was to go around the room, everyone sharing how they were feeling about the new team structure. It was personal, and no one felt comfortable opening their mouth and baringbearing all. No one was ready to open their heart and be vulnerable about their feelings.

Were safety and trust present? 

The team leader rarely showed transparency or vulnerability, rarely admitted his own faults or personal struggles. He seemed to have his life together. His marriage and his family appeared to be perfect. 

All of us on the team feared being judged by the others. We wondered if

We all have stories to tell! Sometimes, we have fun adventures that take place in our daily life. Other times, we have tough stories that unfold over the course of our work and school days—even over our years.

Some stories are easier to tell than others. Some people tell their stories naturally, and others need to be encouraged to share.

Some need to be invited to share.

One of our favorite family dinner questions leads to great table conversations with our children. We begin with two simple questions, “What was the best part of your day? What was the hardest part of your day?” Then, we move around the table, each telling the tales of our day. As a result of these two simple questions, we have heard some really funny stories . . . and some really gut-wrenching ones.

What can we do to invite someone to share their story?

A wise Arab once said, “One hand doesn’t clap.”

One hand needs another hand to make an effective sound. Similarly, humans aren’t meant to function alone. We need others to help us accomplish goals, to laugh and grow together, and to keep us from feeling isolated.

When social isolation occurs, it accentuates any problem.

Last week I was able to sit down with my closest group of friends. I found myself looking around the room and thinking “I love being with these people.” Reflecting back, I realized what it is about this group of friends that makes me feel so good. They not only know me but they want to know me better. They make that known by giving me the gift of listening well. It’s a rare gift to have people who listen well.