Their Stories Weigh Me Down. How Do I Heal from Vicarious Trauma?
Morocco Photo by safa _made on Unsplash
I knew I had it, but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t know it had a name.
The call from a Spanish safe house came, and I answered. A Moroccan woman had just been rescued, and she couldn’t speak a word of Spanish. I sat in the meeting room, listening to the hurting woman’s story of trauma in Arabic. I breathed in her pain, her story. It crushed me to the core. She sobbed, and I sobbed with her. I could feel her deep heartache.
Her story then traveled from my heart to my head, where I translated her story sentence by sentence from Arabic to French for the human rights lawyer. The lawyer then translated the story from French to Spanish for the safe house director. The woman’s trauma story swirled around the room in multiple languages, over and over again.
My heart and my head hurt.
When I walked out of the safe house that day, I carried that survivor’s story, pain, and trauma inside me. I could feel it. Every part of my being ached.
What’s Wrong With Me?
As I continued to journey alongside this woman and others like her, more and more trauma stories accumulated inside me. The effects were apparent: anxiety, fear, exhaustion, sleep disturbances, anger, irritability.
I had read a lot on the topic of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), but this was different. My trauma wasn’t stemming from a direct and personal traumatic experience, it was coming from another person’s story and journey of trauma. It was coming to me second-hand.
“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, commonly known as PTSD or Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), is a condition that emerges in the wake of highly traumatic events,” states PTSD—UK.
This trauma could be the direct result of a serious medical situation, a car accident, domestic violence, or child abuse.
“While PTSD itself is a relatively well-known condition, there is a growing awareness among mental health professionals of the problems posed by secondary trauma; a disorder that is much less talked about and understood.”
I kept digging and came across further research on “Secondary Trauma,” “Compassion Fatigue,” and “Burnout.” These concepts were somewhat blurred together in my mind.
What is Secondary Trauma?
Secondary Trauma: “An indirect experience of or exposure to a traumatic event. For example, hearing a first-hand account of the event given by a survivor can be a traumatic and emotionally challenging experience for the person receiving it.”
This repeated exposure to trauma stories can result in emotional overload, and the caregiver becomes overburdened by hearing stories of trauma.
Compassion Fatigue: “The cost of caring for others or for their emotional pain, resulting from the desire to help relieve the suffering of others. The symptoms of compassion fatigue make it more difficult to provide patient care and to perform other duties.”
Unresolved secondary trauma and compassion fatigue can lead to burnout.
Burnout: “A psychological syndrome of emotional exhaustion, depersonalization and reduced personal accomplishment. It typically emerges over time as a response to prolonged stress and can occur in any profession.”
Burnout is a result of fatigue due to work and continual stress, but is not necessarily linked to a personal trauma experience or listening to trauma stories.
Is That What’s Wrong With Me?
Those were the only concepts I could find that seemed to somewhat match my story, so I diagnosed myself. I must have secondary trauma, compassion fatigue, and burnout.
The trauma stories were heavy. I tried to release them through writing, prayer, counseling, and exercise. Those were good tools and good coping mechanisms, but something was still missing in the diagnosis. I didn’t have the full picture.
Not until I attended a conference and heard the speaker say the word, define, and give concrete examples of . . . vicarious trauma.
Even though it didn’t take the trauma away, the clarity brought relief. I’d been groping around in the dark for too long, trying to find my way, and the light bulb had finally turned on. It’s like knowing something is wrong with you physically, trying to figure it out for months—even years—and then finally hearing the doctor pronounce the diagnosis. At least the mystery is solved, and the dots are connected.
It’s not a cure-all, but at least you finally know what is wrong and you can begin working toward finding solutions and healing.
I had never heard of it, but it matched my story and my symptoms—perfectly.
What is Vicarious Trauma?
Kia Mawete Bidi, a work and organizational psychologist and consultant specializing in workplace well-being—with expertise in psychological support, the prevention of psychosocial risks, and project and team management—explains that vicarious trauma goes much deeper than secondary trauma. “It impacts faith, transforms identity, worldview, and core values of justice and hope.” It creates a “conflict of values, as we listen to stories that wound our values.”
According to the National Library of Medicine, “Vicarious trauma (VT) and secondary traumatic stress (STS) or compassion fatigue both describe effects of working with traumatized persons on therapists. Despite conceptual similarities, their emphases differ: cognitive schemas vs. post-traumatic symptoms and burnout, respectively.” Cognitive schemas are the deeply held assumptions we hold about ourselves, others, and the world.
Vicarious refers to something that “lives in you” and “takes residence.”
Bidi goes on to describe the serious consequences of vicarious trauma on one’s:
Person—impacts one’s thoughts, emotions, behavior, and interpersonal relationships. It even impacts one’s sexuality, as sexuality is a part of one’s identity.
Work—results in difficulty with focus and listening, breaks trust, and leads to more work errors, tardiness, sickness, and increased conflict with co-workers
Faith—makes one feel powerless and hopeless, results in lack of trust in life, decreases one’s sense of safety, shifts one’s priorities and values
Own Trauma Story—can lead to a “Mirror Effect” in which one’s own trauma stories are reflected and intensified from the trauma from the stories being heard.
What to Do to Process and Heal?
According to Bidi:
Workers need regular debriefing to evacuate the trauma—sometimes daily, depending on the emotional load and the frequency of trauma exposure. The team needs debriefing together once a week.
Establish emotional load management. It’s important to know how to “even out,” control and regulate the emotional burden, and equip oneself with tools for self-awareness and self-regulation. Adapt the workload accordingly. Be wise in not over-exposing to vulnerabilities. Practice self-care.
Create a work environment that is balanced and well-organized.
Reflect on each day. Ask yourself, “What went well today?” Celebrate the day’s victories and notice what was difficult.
Before exposure to a trauma story, wash your hands with cold water up to your shoulders or hold a cold stone that has been refrigerated.
After exposure to a trauma story, take ten minutes to decompress with a walk, music, or tactile objects.
That’s It!
I walked away from that conference with clarity and hope. At last I knew what I had when I walked out the safe house that first day. I could name it. I could better understand it. Now, I could even work towards releasing and healing it.
Vicarious trauma might take residence in me for a while, but it doesn’t have to stay there!
