Transition—In the Lives of Real People
Written by Marci Renée
Photo by Ümit Bulut on Unsplash
“Please drug me heavily and wake me up when it’s all over,” I said to my husband. “Wake me up when we land on the other side of the ocean.”
I was joking, of course, but I honestly just wanted it to end. I wanted to get across the “transition bridge” as quickly, as easily, and as safely as I could. I just wanted to survive!
Transitions, changes—they are unavoidable in life. We all go through them—some of us more than others. It seems that those of us in the cross-cultural, overseas, “expat world” go through transition and change a lot, more than we would like.
Perhaps you are going through a transition right now. Perhaps you just landed on the other side of the “transition bridge.” Or perhaps there is a major bridge to cross on your horizon.
Transitions come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. They come in all lengths and depths. They come in all times and seasons in our lives.
None of us are spared from transition and change.
We interviewed some See Beyond readers who have recently gone through transitions—either landing in a new country and culture, re-entering their “home country” for a short or long stay, or returning to an overseas location they have called “home” before. They’ve agreed to allow you into their stories. (Their names have been changed.)
Perhaps you will be able to relate to their stories, or perhaps they will help better prepare you to cross that “transition bridge” when you get to it. Their stories may even encourage you to enjoy the ride!
See Beyond: You just recently went through a transition. How would you describe it?
Molly: We just arrived in Spain three months ago after spending a year in the U.S. on a sabbatical. We were definitely in the “honeymoon” stage of the culture shock cycle during the first months, but now that our kids have started school and activities and we have started language study, reality is setting in.
John: I am returning overseas to my country of residence and work. For the first time, I returned to my home country for a 3-month visit. Now I’m going back to my host country.
Sharon: We recently moved from a small Indian Ocean island to Kenya. It’s a new location for us as a family, but it’s like a “re-entry” for me, because I grew up here.
See Beyond: What has this transition been like for you and your family?
Molly: It has actually gone really well. We were eager to return overseas, so it was a “planned” and “desired” transition—unlike others in our lives that were not chosen or anticipated. We are enjoying our new life, home, language, and culture. It’s been exciting!
John: I was not prepared for this at all. I knew when the plane landed that this time was going to be different. I knew what I was heading into. It actually feels harder than when I first arrived in country a year ago. I have more negative feelings about my host country this time.
Sharon: There’s been a mixture of fear, excitement, grief, peace, and worry. Overall, as a family, everyone has been doing really well. All the kids seem to be totally at ease in their new environment.
See Beyond: How did you and your family prepare for this transition?
Molly: We started learning the language while still in the U.S. through Rosetta Stone and with a tutor—a Mexican lady we met in the U.S. We also tried to study the culture as much as we could to get a feel for where we were going to live. We reconnected with people we knew in Spain. This really helped our kids who were able to reconnect with friends they grew up with in Morocco. We also talked openly and honestly as a family about our grief and losses as we left those we love behind. We all processed and shared our stories with each other—even our kids.
John: I wasn’t prepared for this one!
Sharon: We visited our new location a few times before arriving here to live—as a couple, and then just me individually when I was in turmoil over the school decision. We also visited as a family. We talked a lot about what we would be missing from our last “home,” but also what we were looking forward to. We allowed the tears to flow!
See Beyond: What has been the hardest part of this transition for you and your family?
Molly: In addition to our transition overseas, we are going through a lot of personal family transition with our older kids in college. It was also hard for us to grieve the good friends and family whom we had to leave on the other side of the world when we moved back overseas. That is never easy!
John: I didn’t realize that I would experience another transition of “re-entry” back to my host culture, so I wasn’t prepared to jump into my “transition coping mechanisms.” Three weeks into this, I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t feel “normal.” I alienated myself from everyone and felt super stressed out. I was just surviving and reacting to everything.
Sharon: The times that have brought the most stress have been deciding which school to send the kids to (separating it from my own TCK experience), losing the initial house we had our hearts set on to rent, and experiencing culture shock as we got to know people in different communities.
“None of us are spared from transition and change.”
See Beyond: What has been easier in this transition than you anticipated?
Molly: The kids have adjusted well to their new international school. They have also integrated well into a local soccer club. Our children’s adjustment was our biggest concern, and it’s gone really smoothly. We are really loving being here and having fun learning the language and culture.
John: Nothing!
Sharon: This has been the most surprising move I’ve ever made and has required the most “soul work” in terms of self-reflection and awareness of where my fears were rooted. For me, it involved revisiting my childhood since I grew up here as a TCK. I was brought to a place of true surrender. I was confronted with the absolute last thing I would ever want to do and had to say “Yes!”
See Beyond: Now that you are in the transition or on the other side of it, what could you have done differently to better prepare yourself or your family for this experience?
Molly: I wish that we would have learned more Spanish before arriving. Things also moved so fast during the transition that I feel like we missed some of the joy and beauty in the journey. I wish that we could have slowed things down a bit and enjoyed the ride more, rather than just wishing that it would end.
John: I wish that someone would have told me that I might experience transition symptoms when returning to my host country after being away for only three months. I don’t know how I could have prepared for this since I had no idea it was going to happen. I have asked a friend now, and she says it gets easier. What a relief!
Sharon: I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time worrying about things that never happened!
Are you struggling with a transition of your own?
See Beyond is here to help!
See Beyond: I’m sure that you have been through many transitions in your life. How has this one been more difficult?
Molly: I think that this one has been easier for our family than others for several reasons. We wanted and chose this location and transition. We had a team of people waiting on the ground to welcome us and to help us through the first days and weeks. We also were able to move into a furnished home for the first year.
John: This all really caught me by surprise. I was prepared for culture shock when I arrived in country the first time, but I wasn’t ready for this transition of “re-entry” back into my host country!
Sharon: Moving back to the country where I grew up as a TCK has been both easier and more difficult than I expected.
See Beyond: Some people say “transitions get easier with experience.” What do you think?
Molly: I think they do get easier. We have learned a lot of valuable lessons—often the hard way—from our past transitions. I think that with age and experience, we have learned to just roll with the punches. We are aware that transition takes time and is full of challenges, so we are prepared mentally and emotionally for what that represents. We can also better prepare our children each time.
John: I hear they do, and I am hopeful. At least I know to expect it now. I think transition is different depending on your personality and how you experience change.
Sharon: Moving around with older kids is not a joke! Give me babies to travel around the world with over pre-teens any day! Their age causes me more worry, but in reality, they’ve been amazing. It is a privilege to be able to watch these kids embrace another culture, cope with goodbyes and loss, and have the courage to step into another unknown.
Photo by Christian Fregnan on Unsplash
See Beyond: How long are you anticipating that this “transition bridge” might last?
Molly: Up until the next transition begins. I feel like life is just one big transition, and you never know when the next one is going to come. So, be ready!
John: I hope it ends soon. Now that I have realized what has been happening and what I’ve been going through—it might actually be over!
Sharon: I think of transition as the whole period of time from when we first felt unsettled in our old location to when we will feel settled in this new place. That means over 3 years. I think it’s nearly over, and it feels like sweet relief!
See Beyond: What advice would you give to people going through transition?
Molly: Don’t miss out on the life lessons you can learn in the middle of the “transition bridge.” Don’t close your eyes and hope that it will all end. You might miss something beautiful in the middle. Just take it one day at a time, don’t forget to breathe, and enjoy the ride!
John: Take time to be quiet and to listen to your inner voice. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Transition is unsettling. It’s like all of our experiences, thoughts, and feelings are shaken up together. Sometimes, it can stir up everything that you thought you had already dealt with in your past. Also, tell someone how you’re feeling and get it out of your head.
Sharon: Give yourself time to do something fun and not just plan and figure out logistics. Write a list of what is true when you feel overwhelmed.
Can you relate to any of these stories of transition and change? Transition is tough, and sometimes we need someone to walk alongside us—someone to help us process, someone to help us feel “normal.”
At See Beyond, we want to come alongside you whether you are new to cross-cultural work and going through the challenges of culture shock for the first time, or whether you are re-adjusting to life again (re-entry) in your home culture or in your host country.
No matter where you find yourself today, we can help.
Until then, here’s a video about living in the “Liminal Space” of our lives. Perhaps you can relate to this place of uncertainty and unknown.
Guest author, Marci Renée, along with her French husband and four boys, is a global nomad who has traveled to more than 30 countries and has lived in the United States, France, Morocco, and Spain. She loves to travel, speak foreign languages, experience different cultures, eat ethnic foods, meet people from faraway lands, and of course, write and tell stories. She is a published author of children's picture books, memoirs, short stories, and poetry.
You can find Marci and her books on her website.
"The Cultural Story-Weaver," at www.culturalstoryweaver.com