Whose Culture is ‘Foreign’? Discover the Culture you Carry with You
Written by Marci Renée
Photo by Amanda Scharkss on Unsplash
Growing up, the way I lived, the way I behaved, the way I thought, the way I did everything came naturally. I didn’t know any different.
It wasn’t until I left my home country, until I flew to the other side of the ocean, until I landed in a foreign country at the age of nineteen to study abroad, until I was confronted with another worldview, until I was faced with people who didn’t live, behave, think, and do everything the way I did . . .
It wasn’t until then that I discovered that I had my own culture. Apparently, I had packed it in my suitcase and didn’t even know it.
Backwards Cultural Studies
Before moving abroad as an international student in Europe and later transitioning to North Africa to settle and work, I had studied foreign cultures extensively. I had done my research on the host cultures that would welcome me. I wanted to be prepared. I can remember reading the book, “Culture Shock—Morocco” to help me become more familiar with the different traditions, customs, and behaviors that I would soon encounter in that part of the world.
It didn’t take me long to become fascinated with learning about foreign lands and people, gaining awareness of the diverse cultures among which I was going to live, preparing myself to adjust to everything new and different that lay ahead.
It was fun and interesting to become a student of cultures—other cultures.
Photo by Haseeb Jamil on Unsplash
Comparison and Judgment
I sat in my living room staring at the freshly baked cookies on the plate. The sweet mint tea I had finally learned to prepare was rapidly getting cold. Frustration and impatience rose within me. I didn’t even want my Moroccan neighbors to come over anymore. I was ready to lock the door and take a nap.
“What’s wrong with these people? Why are they so late? That is rude and disrespectful. I would never do that if I were invited to someone’s home. That’s not right!”
My irritability and annoyance were overtaking me. It seemed to be coming from somewhere deep, somewhere in the recesses of my being, somewhere hidden in the dark places of who I was.
I was suddenly staring my own culture in the face.
“Why isn’t she telling me the truth? I know she’s lying,” I told my expat friend.
“It’s all about honor. It’s in their culture. If she can protect her honor and the honor of her family by lying, then it’s better to do that than to tell the truth.”
“What? That’s wrong!” I responded.
Anger and disgust consumed my emotions. It seemed to be coming from somewhere deep, somewhere in the recesses of my being, somewhere hidden in the dark places of who I was.
My own culture.
Self-Cultural Analysis
For more than twenty years, I lived abroad and didn’t know why I was experiencing so much internal conflict when I was faced with cultural shock and cultural differences in my host culture. I judged the “others” as bad, wrong, worse. But, what was my measuring rod? With what standards was I comparing and judging this foreign culture?
My own culture.
I just didn’t realize it, until one day when I was invited to a workshop on Inter-Cultural Intelligence (ICI). The person who invited me was a See Beyond service provider who was certified in ICI.
“What’s that?“ I wondered. “It will be interesting to hear more about the Arab culture and to understand how these people think, feel, and behave.”
Once again, my focus was on the other culture.
Rather, this ICI workshop caught me by surprise. It was about becoming a student of my own culture.
“Everybody has their own unique cultural wiring; what if you could tap into it?” the presenter said.
I knew I had my own country, my own language, my own family background, my own personality . . . but I never knew that I had my own culture. I had never heard that before. I must have missed that class in my Master’s degree program entitled “Cross-Cultural Studies.”
I needed to become a student of my own cultural roots if I was going to survive this life overseas and be effective in my work and relationships. But how?
The first exercise we did was a self-assessment tool called “The Three Colors of Worldview,” by KnowledgeWorkx, a global organization that specializes in training in Inter-Cultural Intelligence.
The Three Colors of Worldview is “a framework for self-cultural analysis that allows us to measure personal cultural behavioral preferences—not just trends in larger populations. We do that for ourselves first, and then as a grid for understanding others.”
Something clicked when I heard this! It seemed that I needed to know and better understand my own culture before I could effectively live and work in a cross-cultural environment with people of other cultures. I needed to know who I was first.
Three Colors
During the workshop, we took the online assessment, looking at the “Three Colors of Worldview,” mapping out the three main cultural drivers:
Innocence Vs. Guilt: Doing the right thing and avoiding the wrong thing
Honor Vs. Shame: Doing what is honorable and avoiding what is shameful
Power Vs. Fear: Doing what gives you power and avoiding situations where your power is diminished.
It was eye-opening to me. I clearly did not know my own culture.
I had never realized that my North American culture was based on innocence vs. guilt. It suddenly explained why I had been so angry when my Arab friend had lied to me. I felt that was wrong, and it rubbed against my deep values. On the other hand, it was perfectly acceptable and even “right” for my friend to lie. She came from an honor vs. shame culture, so “saving face” and protecting her honor and the honor of her family was the “right” thing to do from her cultural perspective.
I had so much to learn if I was going to better accept and adapt to my host culture in North Africa.
A Game Changer
KnowledgeWorkx believes that by “starting our journey of cultural discovery with the premise that each person has their own cultural preferences, we are defining a fundamentally different way of engaging with the person in front of us.”
As we get to know ourselves better and our cultural roots, we will better relate to those around us in our host culture. Studies have shown that this greater understanding can lead to:
Cultivating trust
Establishing healthy communication
Aligning around a common purpose
Building relationships for success
It was time to get to work. I had spent ample time studying foreign cultures, including my host culture. However, I had missed being a student of my own culture.
What about you? Have you ever explored your own culture, or has your focus been on the “foreign” cultures of those among whom you live and work? What if we have it all backwards?
If you are interested in taking “The Three Colors of Worldview” assessment, individually or as a team, and meeting with a certified Inter-Cultural Intelligence (ICI) consultant with See Beyond, sign up here for a free 15-minute consultation.
Guest author, Marci Renée, along with her French husband and four boys, is a global nomad who has traveled to more than 30 countries and has lived in the United States, France, Morocco, and Spain. She loves to travel, speak foreign languages, experience different cultures, eat ethnic foods, meet people from faraway lands, and of course, write and tell stories. She is a published author of children's picture books, memoirs, short stories, and poetry.
You can find Marci and her books on her website.
"The Cultural Story-Weaver," at www.culturalstoryweaver.com