Accountability — Why Add This Powerful Personal Relationship to Your Life?
Written by Marci Renée
Photo by Andrea Tummons on Unsplash
I sat in horror as I read the news article. It was proven. The findings of the legal investigation had come back. One of my most beloved public figures had fallen . . . fallen hard into a life of adultery.
“I still can’t believe that he has fallen like that. I can’t imagine how his wife and children are doing right now. It’s almost as if no one really knew him,” I thought to myself.
“The ‘public’ man wasn’t the ‘real’ man with all his dark secrets. No one knew. No one saw it coming. He seemed to live a double life.”
“I wonder if he had anyone in his life, anyone holding him accountable?”
I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
“It scares me. What if no one really knows me? What if the person I portray myself to be in front of others isn’t the same person behind closed doors—when no one else is looking? I don’t want to fall like he did.”
“I don’t really have anyone holding me accountable right now. No one ever looks me in the eye and asks me the hard questions, the ones that go deep into my soul. I have secrets that I’ve never told anyone.”
“Could I use an accountability partner in my life?”
What is Accountability?
Accountability crosses into many areas of our lives, but ultimately, “being accountable is to be answerable for your actions. In politics, the government is answerable for the state of their country. In business, leaders are accountable for their actions and the impact it has on their organizations.”
But, what about personal accountability?
Personal accountability is being responsible for our choices and our actions at a personal level, a family level, a work level—in every area of our lives.
“When you’re personally accountable, you take ownership of situations that you’re involved in. You see them through, and you take responsibility for what happens—good or bad. You don’t blame others if things go wrong.”
Five Keys to Personal Accountability
If we are going to really walk in the light with someone, we have to be willing to tell them the truth: the truth about who we are, the truth about what we do, the truth about what we think. This will involve setting aside our pride and taking on a posture of humility.
Honesty is key.
If we are going to walk in truth and honesty with a friend, we have to be willing to be transparent and vulnerable. Wearing masks is off limits. Being fake and trying to pretend we are someone we aren’t won’t get us anywhere. Integrity is being the same person all the time, when people are watching and when they aren’t.
Authenticity and integrity are key.
An accountability partner can’t be just anyone. It can’t be a casual acquaintance or someone you don’t know well. The vulnerability loop has to be tested and tried, and we have to be sure that what we share will be kept confidential.
Trust is key.
To get to each other’s heart, it’s best to avoid “yes” and “no” questions that can easily be avoided or quickly answered. Open-ended questions lead us to the heart of the person sharing. When you have to give more than a one-word answer, it’s more difficult to avoid and to hide.
Powerful, open-ended questions are key.
If we are going to journey alongside each other in accountability, we have to be willing to sacrifice and to give the gift of listening. This requires other-centered listening, not me-centered listening. Other-centered listening allows us to put ourselves in the shoes of the person sharing. As a result, compassion and emotions are stirred within us.
Good listening and empathy are key.
The Benefits of Personal Accountability
1. Accountability leads to healthier relationships with our friends, family, and colleagues.
“A 2005 study found that children who were encouraged to take personal responsibility for their actions also had more positive social interactions.”
2. Accountability builds trust between friends or between teammates and colleagues in a work setting.
At a leadership level, “‘leaders who are accountable are more likely to be trusted and respected, because people know that they will keep their word.”
The same applies for friends and family members.
3. Accountability helps combat loneliness.
We can sometimes feel alone and isolated in life. Having someone who knows us—truly knows us—brings a deep level of intimacy and companionship. We all need someone to journey alongside us in this life.
4. Accountability protects us.
If we are honest with people about our behaviors, our choices, and our thoughts, they will help us know and discern if we are beginning to walk down the wrong road. If trust has been previously established in the relationship, our accountability partner will also have the courage to help direct us back to the right path and the right choices. They can be “watchmen” in our lives, warning us if we are about to fall into an open pit.
Making a Difference
The next week, I invited two friends to go to lunch and shared with them some of my personal reflections on my own need for accountability. The three of us confessed that we had no real personal accountability built into our lives. No one was around to look us in the eyes and ask us the hard questions. In a sense, no one really knew us.
We committed that day to walk alongside each other through our life journey. We didn’t want to walk down the wrong road, and we needed people supporting and encouraging us in our choices and actions.
We were already friends, so trust had already been established throughout the years. However, that didn’t keep us from stating a clear declaration of confidentiality when we met the next week for our first “walk and talk.” We committed to not share each other’s secrets—even with our husbands—unless we were concerned about someone’s safety.
One of us found a list of questions, and we decided that we would walk through the list week after week and ask each other the hard questions. We also agreed to look each other in the eye when we asked and when we answered.
Here are a few topics/questions from our list:
Relationships: How have you spent quality time in your relationships with family and friends this week?
Work: In what ways have you done your best in your job, school, or retirement?
Money: How have you handled your finances with integrity and honesty recently?
Lust: What (if any?) lustful attitudes, behaviors, or tempting thoughts have you had this week? What are you doing to keep yourself pure?
Honesty: In what ways have you been honest (or dishonest), even in hard situations, this week?
Health: What are you doing to take care of yourself through physical exercise, diet, and sleep?
What about you? Do you have someone you trust who you could meet with regularly? Do you have a friend you would be willing to ask these questions to and have them ask you, too?
We don’t have to walk this road alone. If you need someone to journey with you, someone to ask you the hard questions in life, please reach out to us at See Beyond. We are here to help. Coaching and mentoring are great ways to bring accountability into your personal life.
Works Cited:
https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/developing-personal-accountability.htm
Guest author, Marci Renée, along with her French husband and four boys, is a global nomad who has traveled to more than 30 countries and has lived in the United States, France, Morocco, and Spain. She loves to travel, speak foreign languages, experience different cultures, eat ethnic foods, meet people from faraway lands, and of course, write and tell stories. She is a published author of children's picture books, memoirs, short stories, and poetry.
You can find Marci and her books on her website.
"The Cultural Story-Weaver," at www.culturalstoryweaver.com